DEFINE THE RIGHT PARTNER
Knowing what your ideal relationship feels like is crucial. For instance, will you feel inspired? Supported? Cared for? Enthusiastic to tackle new things?
Imagine the kind of activities you’d like to be doing with your partner. Include the ones you’re already doing as well as new activities you’d like to add, i.e., traveling, talking, celebrating, going out to dinner, socializing with friends, taking long walks, making love.
What are the fundamental characteristics that you think would make you happy ‘in relationship’?
In this next exercise, for the sheer freedom of creativity, brainstorm about the right partner as if you weren’t in a relationship.
Exercise: Part 1
What does the ‘right partner’ actually mean to you? In the following exercise you will be writing down exactly what you want from your relationship as if you’re the writer of this play you’re living and co-creator of the actors and the script. (Co-creator because the Universe has the storehouse to draw from and you write up the order.)
Be sure to use words that evoke emotions. Such as, “I love the way he/she smells and it feels so good to be around him/her.”
Here are some possible selections to write on for the exercise:
What’s he/she like?
How do you interact?
How much time you spend together?
What kind of activities do you share?
How do you feel around him/her?
What goals do you share?
Do you both want to use the relationship for growth?
How important is his/her financial situation?
How important is his/her health?
How important is integrity?
How important is honesty?
Does he/she have self-respect and respect for others?
Is he/she compassionate, tolerant and kind?
Is he/she active and energetic,
Is he/she intellectual?
Is he/she funny? Does he/she make you laugh?
Do you like the way he/she looks?
Does he/she have a healthy body?
Do you share similar feelings about animals as pets?
Do you like to eat the same kinds of food?
Do you share a desire to travel to the same places?
Do you both love the same kind of living spaces?
Is he/she clean?
Does he/she have healthy relationships with past people?
Does he/she want children?
Does he/she already have children? If so, good relationships with them?
If you have children, how does he/she interact with your children?
Is he/she younger or older? Does that matter?
Is he/she mature? Is he/she a real man/woman?
How does he/she treat you? Is he/she loving and affectionate?
Is he/she relaxed?
Now, review your ideal relationship description and assess how similar or dissimilar it is to your current relationship.
How satisfied are you?
What things are truly important to you?
This exercise can help you see how many important issues are actually satisfied in your relationship. Understanding this will help you to stop focusing on what isn’t working so well and free you to turn your attention to what is working.
When you focus on what’s going right, even things that aren’t going so well, improve.
On the other hand, if you find that you really aren’t satisfied, this can help you see just what it is that is causing your distress. Being in a relationship that is wrong for you doesn’t serve anyone. If it’s not right for you, it’s not right for your partner either. Sometimes, letting go lovingly is the best thing you can do for both of you. This doesn’t mean that you stop loving one another, it just means that you redefine the roles you play in each other’s lives.
Relationship Visualization Meditation.