Week 3: Finding the Connections

Connecting the Dots

 

You learned how to be in relationship through watching your parents and other influential adults, who learned through watching their parents, etc. When you become conscious of the patterns you picked up from them, you can then assess how well they’re now working for you.

You may find you harbor destructive beliefs that have very little to do with the actual circumstances of your life now, but still have a major impact on your current relationships. For instance, if one of your parents displayed jealous behavior because their mate strayed romantically outside the marriage, you may have underlying feelings of unfounded suspicion or distrust. It’s important to become conscious of erroneous fears that were handed down and cause disharmony even though they have little to do with your current relationship. Once you’re aware, you can let go of misplaced jealousy and start to consciously foster trust.

One or both of your parents may have lacked the ability to take responsibility for their own feelings and had the habit of projecting the blame for disappointment outward, which typically results in an attitude of expecting their partner to satisfy their needs. This often leads children to believe that it’s their partner’s job to make them happy at all times. This is a recipe for deep dissatisfaction and powerlessness.

 

Exercise

Take some time now to write about what you discovered regarding connections between your ancestral relationships (your relationship DNA, so to speak,) and the way your relationships have unfolded up until now.