Identity Through Comparison

When you base your self-esteem on external conditions, you’re bound to be disappointed. There will always be someone who does it better, faster or smarter than you do. What real difference does it make if you (or they) are better at something? It always feels...

The Power of No

You have to know what you want before you can make decisions that help you create it. If you’re not totally sure what will make you happy, try this exercise: Say NO in every way you can think of: loudly, softly, angrily, matter-of-factly, confidently, etc. While...

When in Question, Soften

The world is rich with amazing diversity. These differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings. One person may think one thing while the other thinks the opposite. It’s hard to reconcile a difference of opinion between parties on opposing sides of a...

Are You Unconsciously Critical?

If our parents were highly critical, we probably developed the same habit. Even though it’s unpleasant and makes us feel bad, it takes a concerted effort to change this conditioned behavior. Chronically characterizing problems in our relationships as the other...

Don’t Assume

Relating to others can be complicated. We often assume that we know exactly where someone is coming from, but we actually don’t. Because we haven’t experienced life as them, we can’t grasp their understanding of the world. We interpret what they say...